Three
So…I’m scared.
Today I find out whether or not it’s just a nodule or a tumor.
I wasn’t doing too badly until I spent time yesterday looking up thyroid cancers. Even then at first it was mostly hopeful. Most of the cancers are very treatable, most of them are no more than a surgery to have your thyroid removed, a bout of chemotherapy and pills to replace the hormone the rest of your life.
But then I read about the stubborn ones, the rare ones, the scary ones. I wouldn’t have been so scared if it hadn’t been for the symptoms. After reading this, I’m too smart not to understand why my current doctor was pushing me for the test. He showed me the sonogram last week. I saw the dark spots, I know how large they are and their size, shape and number are warning signs.
So this morning, as my ex brought me in to work I felt the panic and the tears welled up only to spill over from my eyes. It was dark and I tried to keep quiet but the runny nose gave me away. I sniffled and cried there in the dark car as he drove. He didn’t say a word. Silent while I quietly sobbed.
“I’m scared.” I don’t know what I expected, but I was met with silence.
I know it’s hard for him to say what he feels, it was one problem we always had, but it made me feel even more alone to have him say nothing.
We reached my work and I opened the car door.
“I’ll call you when I come to pick you up.” Was the only thing he said.
So now I wait. Three more hours until I find out….
August 23rd, 2006 08:58
Whatever happens Jute, be strong. Often times reading medical information on the net can lead to paranoia. Try to stay centered and deal with the issues as they come. I think anyone would be scared to be in the same position that you are in. It’s how we all deal with our fears that makes the difference. Try not to let it consume you.
No negative euphoria for Jute. No, no, no! She deserves so much better than that.
Moo
August 23rd, 2006 09:26
I’m scared for you. But you can hold my e-hand if you want.